I love Christmas cards. I love the seasons greetings and the Happy Holidays. I love the pictures included inside, everyone in holiday sweaters at some ski resort, or in front of a giant pine tree. My favorite thing about Christmas cards are the one page updates. It's the families year in review summarizing each child's accomplishments onto an off white letter surrounded by a border of hollies. For once, I wish a family would be completely honest in their holiday update. Below is a fictional holiday update from my fictional family. This is what the holidays are about.....
Greetings friends and family! What a year it's been! Well as you know, the Williams have had one crazy and blessed year! We are so fortunate to look back on our blessings and share them with you.
Kristen, our oldest daughter, is entering her senior year at Brown High School. She's looking forward to moving onto college where she can escape her parents grip! Hahaha. As you all know, we had that brief pregnancy scare earlier this year. What a mess that was! Haha. We still, to this day, thank God that Kristen did not give birth to a child. We're happy to announce that she is no longer dating Wayne, who now goes by the name of "Spattered Blood". Kids these days! Kristen is looking forward to earning her parents trust back, and might we add, she's well on her way. She's already removed the eyebrow ring and lip ring! Hallelujah!
Marcus, our middle child is the brains of the family! He's still at Wabash Middle School and is carrying a 4.0. Marcus recently took first place at the Wabash Middle School Science fair with his remake of an AK-47 assault rifle. And might we add, it was not made out of pipe cleaners or Legos, no Marcus ordered the parts of the internet and it actually shoots! Haha, mom wasn't too happy due to the fact he used her credit card, but anything for the sake of science! We want to thank you all for your prayers and kind words. For those of you who don't know, Marcus recently spent some time in Juvenile Hall. He brought a homemade bomb and a bow and arrow to school. Luckily no one was hurt! You gotta let kids make their own mistakes!
And let's not forget our youngest Child, Timmy! Timmy is entering the 4th grade and could not be a bigger fan of Harry Potter. Not only has Tim read all the Harry Potter Books, but he decided to spend last summer writing "his own" 8th book to the series! The book is 456 pages and can be purchased at the Walgreens on 90th and Dodge. Tim attended "Slim Down" camp this past summer for 3 months and lost a grand total of 5 pounds! Mom's really trying to help Tim get out this obesity phase so no more Mac 'N" Cheese or hot dogs! Instead we've opted for organic hamburger helper and kiddie cuisines!
And then there's me. Well as you know, this year hasn't been the greatest. Ted and I got divorced. Within the blink of an eye I traded in my Yukon for a Ford Escort! Haha Merry Chirstmas! I used food as an emotional crutch and am definitely paying for it now! It's going to be XXXL for me this year! Hahaha keep that apple pie and turkey far away! I've enlisted a great deal of help from some self-help books and will be a new member to Jenny Craig as of January 2nd. Well thats it for the Williams family! We wish you all a blessed holiday season! May God enter and bless your life and may your hearts be warmed this Christmas season!
Love, Mary, Kristen, Marcus and Timmy!
