For the longest time I thought one of my best friends brought the best out of me. Always encouraging me.....supporting me. Boy was I wrong. I'm talking about the grocery store. We use to be best friends, but that's behind us now. I'm not a good cook...I'm just not. I burn things, I have no idea what teflon is and I can't boil noodles. I'm pathetic...I get that. But the grocery store....that was a place i thought I had under control. For some odd reason when I step into the grocery store I get this "top chef" mentality where all the sudden my brain tricks me into thinking I'm a rockstar in the kitchen. I think to myself "Tonight...lobster bisque sounds delicious. Maybe veil?"
Which is ridiculous. I tend to gravitate towards the spice aisle. Before I know it my hands are confidently grabbing thyme, oregano and mustard seed. All the sudden I'm grabbing other innocent shoppers and recommending ingredients.
"Oh, your making a balsamic fig chutney with roasted grapes? Here lemme help you. Might I recommend minced garlic cloves?" Yep, I'm that ass hole. And then the produce section. I fucking flip out. Everything is so colorful and I feel like that color should be embraced...so in my cart goes sweet potatoes, spaghetti squash, lemons and limes. I'm dancing around with my shopping cart, weighing bull shit items like flax seed. I'm practically starring in my own ridiculous musical while everyone whispers "she's definitely retarded..she should not have a cart." Then I get up to the register and as I'm watching all my ridiculous items pass by I'm reassuring myself thinking, "Good purchases...solid purchases." Then I'll tell the cashier to "hold on! I forgot an item!" And i will run and grab hydrogen peroxide........pathetic. It's a disease really. I have a disease.
