2 years ago I graduated to the "adult table" for Thanksgiving dinner. Apparently someone informed the rest of my family that I had gone through puberty, and access was granted. There is one haunting question I receive every year.
This years Thanksgiving dinner table talk was "The side effects of medicine", because conversation has stooped to everyone comparing health problems. Fun Fact: Apparently everyone in my family has a case of Restless Leg Syndrome. I thought this was a bull shit disease because the commercials start off with "If I don't move for hours on end, my legs feel funny. Restless Leg syndrome." I always sat on the couching thinking, well yeah, that happens to everyone. Anyways, everyone is talking about the side effects of their medications. Grogginess, headaches..you name it. My grandpa's winning because he's basically announcing he's on death row, when my Uncle Bob throws his fist on the table and declares, "Regardless of what medication your on, you should just expect to get a mild case of diarrhea." So, there I sat, absolutely disgusted with the conversation at hand, when somehow the diarrhea comment led to, "So Katie....Do you have a boyfriend?" Damnit, there it was. It came out of nowhere. That question always conveniently comes right as I have either A) Spilled gravy on the front of my shirt or B) As I am simultaneously eating two pieces of pie. "Nope, I still don't." Then they ask "why not?" And this is not rhetorical, their looking for an answer. "Because I have an STD. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Let's eat!" So I take a bite of pie, swallow and begin with, "You know, I'm not really looking..I haven't found anyone worth while.......I'm just SUPER busy...busy me, between church and the grocery store and walking for miles on end, I just can't seem to find the time!" And before I know it, suddenly my family has turned into E-Harmony and Match.com, every public outing turns into speed dating. "Look, he has a backpack, I bet he's smart!" "Look, he's wearing sunglasses, I bet he's super cool!" "Once he gets rid of those braces and Skechers, he will be a 10." Then it just gets ridiculous. "Kathleen, I know he's in a wheel chair, and yes maybe he wears diapers and the right side of his face is paralyzed, but he really is a sweet guy and probably has a stellar personality."
