I have a ridiculous job. if you know me pretty well, I've complained to you about it. Although, I should keep my mouth shut because it is a great job. I get paid really well, and I can work in my pajamas, so no complaints. Let me explain......I work for H&R Block. Basically I pick up the phone and call people, ask them some ?'s, and then determine if they are competent. If they are, I give them a green light and hire them, if their not, I give them this bull shit line, "I am going to pass on your information to my supervisor and if they are interested in hiring you, they will call you. However if they don't call you within the next two days, they will have moved on with further candidates." This is code for, "you were someone how dumb enough to fail my 1st grade level ?'s. No one is going to hire you. Not even Burger King."
But, here the thing.
I don't call people named Bob, Ralph, Susan or Carol.
No, I call people like this (actual names of people I have called)
1. Joei. --This is pronounced "Joey". Replace that 'i' with a 'y' or forever remain on the shitty name list.
2. Concepcion--pronounced "conception". Do you not realize the definition of your name is "fertilization" or "inception of pregnancy?"
3. La-Crystal. Your life would be so much easier if you just erased the "la"
4. Whytny-Pronounced "whitney" but spelled with every fucking consonant imaginable.
Other favorites include, Jamesetta, Tekyla, Dinesha, La Kayla, LaMarr and Toddler.
People always give me a hard time when I make fun of these names. "its a cultural thing." This is not cultural. Muhammad is a cultural name....but CONCEPCION....CONCEPCION...that is crazy. Thats not cultural. Thats called under the influence. Thats what these names should be referred to, Under the Influence names. UI names..
"Whats her name?"
"La-Quayla"
You don't think to yourself, "Ah! A cultural name!"
No.
You think to yourself, "did she just say fucking "La-Quayla?!'
Then i receive this argument, "well their parents probably wanted them to be unique"
Unique as in the kid eats lunch alone for the rest of his life while people whisper, "did you hear? That kid in the corner, his name is Tequila."
