The other day I was minding my own business most likely staring off into space, or retrieving the mail or making sculptures out of pipe cleaners, which is what my days have consisted of the past few weeks, but I overheard someone say, and I quote, “That guy, man he's rashtastic.” I anticipated the other person to reply, “What the fuck does rashtastic mean?” but instead, he replied, “Yeah, he is rashtastic.” Am I out of the loop? Rashtastic? What, did urban dictionary make a contribution to society by developing rashtastic? What a shit word. I began combining words together in an effort to get to the bottom of rashtastic. Fantastic combined with rash? That’s all I could come up with. I suddenly pictured a young kid in Levis with a bull cut luring kids over to the corner of the playground. After formulating a decent sized audience, he slowly lifts up his Abercrombie tee to reveal an incredible rash. It’s a combination of vibrant colors swirling together to form an optical illusion with hints of glitter. Kids stare with gaping mouths at the rash the size of Asia that lies before them. Marcus, the loner in Mrs. Templeton’s fourth grade class quietly whispers from the back, “That’s rashtastic.” A rash so fucking incredible it exceeds a birthmark and can only be rashtastic. Kids turn around, intrigued by Marcus’ new word and suddenly he redeems himself from years of bed wetting and glue eating and snags 15 minutes of popularity. Rashtastic….spread it on.
